Personal Development for Kids – Part 2
PHYSICAL DEVELOPMENT - PUBERTY
Continuing from last week on the topic of Personal Development, I promised a piece on puberty this week… a few eyebrows have been raised at me in the playground since as this is topic is so deeply entrenched in history, in censorship, in our own childhood and in our culture.
What do we do when our children start asking questions?
The traditional answer “Ask your parent of the same gender/mother/father!” or “You’ll learn about it at school” simply isn’t going to cut it because if this one is left to chance, your child will learn everything (literally) from social media, playground myths or snippets from Netflix, YouTube or the Internet. Often much earlier than you’d like… which is going to give them SUCH a skewed notion of The Birds and The Bees (whatever that means – it never made sense to me!).
Should you mess up your parental controls on devices and should your child stumble across inappropriate content, you want your them to run to you, knowing that you can cope with the questions, rather than internalise images that could cause distress, confusion and worse.
The curiosity and, therefore, the conversation can start much, much earlier than our own hang-ups permit.
Begin by naming body parts with their real names – explain the difference between vulva, vagina and clitoris (and if you don’t know – find out!) and penis and testicles - and use these words in your daily life without embarrassment. If you are embarrassed about them, so will your child be. And this will bring shades of shame to a part of the body which is simply that to a child: a part of the body. Goodness knows, you’ll happily sing Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes!
Should relatives insist on using infantilised words, gently correct them and explain that you don’t want your child to experience confusion or shame about their bodies, so you are using the actual words and having an open discussion. You can tell parents or parents in law that you understand that they may feel uncomfortable about that.
Equip yourself with books which begin to mention changes that happen in children’s bodies as they mature into adults so that your child can ask questions. Integrate age-appropriate short picture books into your child’s library. You’ll be surprised how often they ask to read them. The key here is to read them with them – they are not a secretive read alone texts, rather opportunities to connect and learn.
There are books suitable for all ages (pre-school upwards) to respond as soon as your child asks – “Where do babies come from?” – so that you can say “I’m glad you asked that, I have a book we can read about it this evening.” Be ready to pre-empt the question and to whip out a book at bedtime – giving yourself time to settle into this new discussion in a calm and unflustered way.
Talk to children of both genders about periods and be honest that they happen “Mummy’s tummy is sore because her period has started. She has gone for a lie down with a hot water bottle to settle it. There’s nothing to worry about; it’s part of the female human body and it happens every month when a human body is able to have babies.” As they get a little older, you can explain that it includes a bleed from the vagina and start to discuss that bleeding is not always a bad thing to remove any shock factor when it happens.
The easier you have made it for your child to ask the questions, the earlier your curious child will ask questions about the mystery of life – which you can uncomplicate from the start through the quality of your response.
Yes, I am working on making this easier for me and yes, it can still make me feel uncomfortable to mention such words and it has taken some courage to write this. But I am determined to reduce – even remove – body shame as much as I can. And I encourage and invite you to do the same.
Mental development next week…
